Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago
by WantHim
Summary: Lonely and sad, this is what the young Raphael looked like, but today he is not sad anymore. He is angry and retires, mostly because he is a vampire. As the leader of the vampires in New York he wanders through the night, watches over his member and hates the werewolves. But then a little vampire crosses his way, Simon Lewis.
1. Chapter 1

**Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago**

 **Chapter 1**

I fasted forward, reached Simon's mouth and laid my lips on his. He tried to draw back, but I held him in my hands. My hands were on his back, his muscular back and I could feel every single muscle. I kissed him, but when he opened his mouth, my tongue soaked in his mouth and we battled together. We fought, won and lost many times within a second. All I could imagine right now was laying with him in my bed. Or be with him everywhere, just with him. It could be an infinity, it could be just a second, but after a measure of time Simon resist and stepped back from me. "Raphael?", he just asked and walked away from me. Maybe I was disgusting for him, maybe he was confused but in the end, I was sad. "Raphael? Why are you doing this?", he asked and put his leather jacket on. Well, it was my leather jacket, but I gave it to him. As a mundane Simon had such a bad style, so I gave him my clothes. "I mean, I thought you were with Camille and I have Clary.", Simon said.

I snuffled and turn my back to him. Tears filled my eyes, but Simon should not see me cry. Nobody should see me cry. Nobody should know I have feelings. I swallowed my lump in my throat and turned back again. "In which world do you has Clary Fairchild?", I asked and tried to look away from him. Tried. He looked too good for not looking at him. His glasses were thrown away, which made him much more adorable. Raphael, what are you talking about?, I asked myself. This is a boy, a mundane with vampire skills, nothing more. "I don't know.", he poorly whispered. His voice changed to a very dark level and I looked at him again. He looked at me back and our sight crossed each other. "She is messing around with you and you know that, Simon. She is in love with this Jace Wayland." By calling this shadowhunter Simon flinched and it made me feel bad. What's wrong with me? I am Raphael Santiago, I shouldn't feel bad for someone. But I did. And I have to admit that I have feelings for this vampire. "But, just because she is with him, does this mean I have to be with someone else?", Simon's dark brown eyes, which are normally lighten up. I saw only darkness in there. "Simon.", I walked to him, we were just centimeters away from each other, when I whispered. "You don't have to be. You can be." I looked at his lips, his sweet pink lips and a very little smile showed up. "Raphael, I don't know if I wanna be with someone. I think it wouldn't be right. I think, if I would be with someone it would be another girl. I don't think, that I am...", Simon wanted to say, but I interrupted. "Stop thinking." And then I kissed him again. We united our lips, kissed each other and I felt it. I felt, that Simon Lewis stopped thinking and just did. He kissed me, he grabbed my back and held me. I know it sound kitschy, but he held me. If he let me out of his hug, I would fall. It was so fastened, so blustery and passionate. My hands went up, up his head and I scuffed his hair. His brown and soft hair. I went through it, pulled it a bit and also pushed him against me. Our tongues fought again and it felt like we never were enemies. Like we knew each other for years. I didn't know but it felt like I got loved. The first time in my life it felt like loving and I didn't know how much this could mean to me. After numerous of minutes – and I swear it was an infinity – we released another and looked deep in our eyes. "Simon Lewis, I didn't know a mundane could mean so much to me.", I whispered and he smiled. "Shut up, I want to show you my vampire side." Then he pushed me on the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago**

 **Chapter 2**

I fell with all of my body on the black blanket and looked up to Simon. From this point of view Simon looked so strong, masculine and handsome I have never seen him this before. "Raphael Santiago.", he whispered and each letter let me shiver. "I never thought, we would be here.", he said and took the leather jacket off. I sat up and laid my hands on his body. "You think, I planned that?", I asked and pulled his black shirt up. I saw his trained body, my fingers touched the hard muscles and I could smell his eau de colognè. I had to breath. The last time I was this near a boy, he died in a fire. But not today, I swore to myself. "Raphael?", Simon asked and laid one hand on my cheek. I looked up to him and smiled a bit. "What is it?", a question, a big question. I could tell him. I could tell him, that this one boy was the love of my life. I could tell him, that I couldn't save him or that I tried to. "The last time.", I said and tears filled my eyes again. "The last time I was this intimate with somebody, it all end up bad. I tried to help but -", Simon interrupted me with kissing me. He kissed away my tears and let me smiled again. "Not this time.", he answered to a question I didn't asked. As he said it, he threw away his shirt and helped me out of my jacket. I took off my shirt and Simon looked at my body. "I never thought I could be attracted to a man's body.", he explained his look and took off his shoes. "I never thought I could be attracted by you:", I said and he let himself fall on me. Our body heated up each other and we kissed again. Our eyes were closed, but we know what the other felt. We felt love and lust. Everywhere in the room we felt the heat and it didn't bothered us. Simon laid down on the blanket and I cut off the kiss. I touched his chest, his teats which let him moan a bit. "Raphael?", he asked again and I looked to him. He looked a bit terrified. "This is my first time with a men.", he said and I laughed a bit. "What a surprise.", I meant sarcastic and kissed his throat. I kissed him down to his collarbone and right on his left collarbone I bit him. Not too much for a serious wound, but much for a bit blood. "What are you doing there?", Simon, the cute Simon, looked very crazy. I smiled, licked the blood away and sucked on the wound. Simon moaned again and it made me crazy. It made us crazy. I kissed my way to his brown belt and opened him. It was just a minute, until I threw his pants away. He wore a tight black boxer shorts in which you could see, how good this procedure was, I did to him. Simon didn't recognize, that I was already naked and was shocked, when he saw me. "Raphael, you are so good.", he whispered and I reached to him and kissed his lips. Simon undo his boxer shorts and I felt his warm limb on my belly button. "What are we doing now?", he asked me and I put my finger on his lips. "Let me do this." I got down to his penis and licked the dark musky smell. He smelled like a man. Like my man. While I made Simon, he moaned all the way through. I licked him, I sucked his penis and played with his testis. I touched everything. I touched everything on his body, every little millimeter. Simon breathed through and we looked each other in the eyes. "Raphael.", he moaned and when I desist from his shaft and said "Simon." he couldn't resist and I felt his thick love splashing on my chest. I smiled kinky and Simon breathed through. "That was... amazing.", he said and I got up to him. We kissed each other, united our mouths and rested after Simons explosive greeting.

"And what is with you?", he asked and looked at my problem. I smiled to Simon and said: "It is not this important." Simon smiled, kissed me and did what I did. Every bit of his mouths touched every bit of me. He united us in a way, only he could. I moaned his name, saw his coffee brown shock of hair and it didn't last more than seven minutes, until I showed Simon how pleasured it was. After it he came up to me, smiled and said: "I never thought it could be so awesome having sex with you." I had to smile. Simon was the first I could open to, he was the first boy, who saw the real me. "I think I could like you.", I said and rolled over to lay on him. He looked in my eyes. "I think so too." We kissed again and I couldn't be happier. Who thought, that I, Raphael Santiago, emotionless leader of New York's Vampire, could be loved by a man or love a man. Who thought I could smile.

"Raphael.", he laughed. "Simon?!", we heard from behind us and as we looked over, Clary Fairchild stood there, shocked about her best friend naked with another man.


	3. Chapter 3

**Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago**  
 **Chapter 3**

"Oh my god.", Clary said and walked out of my bedroom. The door left open and I looked in Simon's eyes. His look was terrified, he couldn't believed, that it was really Clary, who was interrupting us. "Simon.", I whispered, but he resist, didn't listened to me and pushed me to the other side of the bed. I saw a Simon in a hurry, searching for his clothes. I got up, to quieten him, but every little fingertip I tried, he refused and walked to the other side of the room. So instead of talking to him, I put my clothes on and walked together with him into the common room. "Simon.", I tried to say, but he fastened himself. "Simon.", I told louder but he just screamed "No." and punched a hole in the black wall on his left. I was shocked and scared. What made him so angry? Why was he ashamed of being intimate with me? Or was he ashamed of Clary seeing this? Whatever it was, he didn't want to talk about and let me alone in the corridor. I decided to let him free, but it wasn't this easy. "Where's Raphael?", I heard the sound of Alec Lightwood's voice and felt bad about Simon. Though he didn't want to see me, he had to be in the same room as me. "What do you want from Raphael?", he asked and I swore, I heard the sadness in his angry voice. What have I done? I mean, I knew I had feelings for this man, but then he had to have sex with me. He didn't wanted to. I forced him, I built up feelings for me in him, though he hadn't any. Still standing in the corridor, hearing the discussion between Simon and Alec, I doubted myself. I doubted, that anything I did to anyone, was ever good.

The boy in the past, he was called Helios. I murdered him. I gave him to the fire and let him burn. I deleted all my memories of him, just to be a 'good vampire', whatever a 'good vampire' is. I won't do that to this boy. The reason I fell for him was just this vampire Camille. She was the only one, knowing about my past and knowing that I was attracted to guys, more than to girls. She was the one who turned Simon in a vampire. It was a pleasure for me locking her up, but what she did, wasn't turning a mundane into a vampire. She let me feel something for him. "Fine!", Simon shouted and he walked silently into my direction.

I ran into my bedroom, didn't want to know Simon, that I eavesdropped. I sat down on my bed, elbows on my knees and looked to the floor. I was this ashamed, I couldn't look him in the eyes. Though he was a vampire and walked, like all vampires silently, I knew when he was standing before me. "Raphael?", he asked and I lifted my head up. Not enough to look in his eyes, but I saw his chest. He breathed very fast and with every breath the shirt became slim. "Alec wants to talk to you.", he said and I got up and walked beside him. We didn't saw each other, but we smelled the cologné of the other. When I was next to him, I stood still and whispered: "I am sorry.", then I left him in the room and ran to Alec. I didn't know, why I ran. Maybe it was, because I wanted to talk to Alec so I can talk to Simon faster. Maybe I just wanted to be away from this boy. From Simon. "What do you want now, shadowhunter?", I asked in a very neutral sound and looked to Alec. He looked like always, angry. But, when I looked at Clary I saw a glance of confusion in her look. And much hate. "Raphael, we know you don't want to help us again.", Alec said and I answered: "You guessed right, Lightwood." I tried to be aggressive, but all of my thoughts were by Simon. Simon, who was sitting on my bed probably. Maybe he tried to think, what he will say to me. But I was sure, that he was just sitiing there.

"Raphael!", Clary called me and I heard the anger in her voice. "We need your help. It's about Magnus. He disappeared three days from now and we don't know, where he is. You must help us to find him.", she said and I knew, why I must do this. Because I slept with her best friend. With her male best friend. I breathed, so my veins could calm down. My pulse was so high, I thought I would explode right now. I knew Clary was right to condemn me, but she was about to held me down. I would like to be with Simon right now. Kiss him, hug him, just be with him. "Fine.", I fizzled and looked to Alec. His eyes were filled with sadness. I knew this look. He liked Magnus a lot. "I will look for him and I am going to send my best guys out. Leave now." Alec walked away, Clary before him. "Lightwood.", I called. He turned around, Clary did the same, but I showed him, he should come to me, with my finger. As he was near to me, he reached down and I whispered; "Don't worry. I know, what you are feeling. I will find your boy and I will send him to you." Alec nodded. "Just make sure, Simon can talk to you every time, he want to.", I said and left an impressive compassion in him. But instead of asking, looking confused or whatever, he just nodded, smiled a bit to me and left with Clary. I cramped my fist and decided to look after Simon. I ran into my bedroom. "They left, didn't they?", he asked as if that was his death sentence. I answered "Yes." and got to him. I said beside him. "Why are you sorry?", he asked me and we looked each other in the eyes. "I am sorry, because I forced you to sleep with me. I know your straight. I shouldn't doubt that.", I said and forgot my self-confident and neutral behavior again. When he is around, I forgot everything, that made me out. What I thought, making me out. "You don't have to be sorry.", he said and I smiled. "Yes I have to be. I know your straight.", I apologized again and looked in his eyes, then his lips. "Forget the labels.", he whispered and kissed me again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago**

 **Chapter 4**

"Why?", I asked right after we had sex. But I didn't got an answer. Simon just put his clothes on and left. Within a second I was alone. "Simon, what the hell?!", I also asked, but knew he was away. Am I just a cheap male whore, with who you can have sex and then just leave? I have to be, otherwise he would talk to me. "Raphael? Was this Simon rushing out of your bedroom?", someone asked and I looked to the door. Shahad, one of our older vampires, stood in the doorway and looked at me, like I was a dimensional dragon. I remembered, like it was yesterday, when she came here. She told us, that she was from Palestine, though we all thought, she was from India. We didn't needed more to hear from her. She wasn't this open to others. "Why are you naked?", she asked and I shouted at her. "Shahad, could you just leave?" And without another word, she left me alone and closed the door. I still felt Simon's finger touched me. It was like he burned me, where he touched me. From my throat to my chest. He drew little circles on me and I drew them again. I felt his lips kissing my cheeks soft and gently. "Simon.", I whispered, but he refused my loud moan with a kiss. His tongue softly caressed my teeth and with my vampire one's I bit him a bit. "What are you doing to me.", I said and kissed him again. "The same you are doing to me.", Simon whispered and circled my back. Just right he found one of my tickling spots. I giggled a bit, which forced him to continue with it. "Stop.", I said, but he didn't. So I tried my vampire powers and within a millisecond I laid on him and he had his arms stretched from his body. "What was that?", he asked and was shocked, but with a grin on his face he kissed me. "Not only you got a wild side.", I told him and kissed my way down there. He smiled, laughed also a bit and we were in our own little world. But when reality hit us hard again, he left. I got up and got into the shower, which was in the bathroom. I turned the shower on and let the warm water floating down my body. It washed away every single circle or print, Simon left on me. I washed all of his signs away, everything that he draw on my back or the breath that was left on my chest. Everything got washed away. And I should feel better, but it wasn't that feeling. I felt terrible. I hated myself, I wanted to run to him and apologize, but I didn't know, what I did wrong. I tried to know, but instead, I just sat down in the shower and cried. I cried a lot. Silent, so no one came here and looked after me. The shower, the only safe place I got. In this position I sat there, seconds, minutes, maybe two hours. After I don't know, how long, I got up, turned the shower off and put clothes on. If Simon refused me, I will challenge him. With my black suit I walked into the big wall, the Tresec, we called it. All of the vampires were together, under them also Simon. I walked to the podium and announced: "Vampires, we all know, that the shadowhunters, explicit the Lightwood – Herondale – Clan. But, as we were asked to watch out for an old friend, I agreed to help them. Each of you is going to find a partner and together you will watch out for Magnus Bane, the warlock." I heard the mumbles all over the room, but I just looked to Simon. "We want him alive and back in our Hotel. While you all are going to watch out outside, the newbie Simon Lewis and I will wait here for your updates and inform the institute." Everybody looked at the shocked Simon and they probably asking themselves, why they weren't the one staying with me at the hotel. But only Simon knew, that I wanted him all to myself and that was just, how he looked. He looked disgusted, attracted to that idea and also angry. I smiled and got off my podium. Without another word I left him and walked to my room. Well, I tried, on the half of my way, I got stopped with a strong masculine arm and with the smell of his colognè, the memories from last night came back. "What are you wishing to find out, if you let me stay here?", he asked and I turned around. I grinned and explained, that if I was alone, they wouldn't trust me. "So, I am just a little toy for you?", he asked once again. I laughed deep inside me, reached to his ear and right before I left, I said: "Forget the labels."


	5. Chapter 5

**Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago**

 **Chapter 5**

It was two days ago, the vampires left the hotel and looking for Magnus. Since two days, Simon and I were alone in a big hotel. "Raphael.", I heard his voice since two days and I was happy for hearing it. It felt like a big stone fell on my heart, when he didn't talk to me. I turned around and looked in a angry face. "How long will you play this game?", he asked and I looked down to his shirt, it was white, a big contrast to the black furniture. But not the contrast made me sad. It made me sad, that itwasn't my shirt nor some I lent to some other vampire. It was his clothes and my heart broke the moment I realized it. When he turned in someone like me, I said, he could wear my clothes. His clothes were too obvious human and I hated it. "This shirt.", I said and looked in his eyes. Shame laid on them and he tried to not look me in the eye. "It is too lighten up. You can't wear it.", I explained and got to him. Simon looked confused and I felt his fastened breath on my face. "Why can't I wear it?", he asked and stroke back. He walked away from me. I could give him a billion reasons, why he shouldn't wear this. Because we don't want anyone notice us. Because new vampires could be distracted by it. It was screaming. It was not fashionable. But there was just one reason I could bring to him. "Because it isn't from me.", we looked both up. We united our look to one big sentence. 'I want you.' We both said. So, Simon stand right at the wall and I walked to him. "Do I have to wear your shirts?", he asked and as I got to him, I grabbed the collar of his shirt. "When you want, you don't have to wear anything.", I said and ripped the shirt. Simon was shocked, grinned and we kissed. I liked it, but I felt it wasn't like the kisses before. This was just a kiss, because he was toey. Not because he wanted to kiss me. I cut the kiss, like I always did and walked away. "Raphael?", he asked. "Raphael? What are you doing?" I stayed, looked to the wall before me and said: "What I always had to do. Killing people." With that phrase I let him in the hotel and ran to the park, that was near.

"Who are you?", the little girl asked. I smiled. "Have you lost your parents?", I giggled a bit. The little girl nodded and I kneed down to her. She began to cry a little and I liked it. I liked it, if my victim was sad. It gave me a little kick, the little hormone for sadness. "Come, should I help you?", I asked and the little blonde girl smiled to me. "Please, I am Asha.", she said and I took her hand. "Okay, Asha. I am Raphael, should I carry you, so you don't have to walk anymore?" Asha nodded and I carried her. We walked into the direction, she came from and I loved to smell her blood pumping through her veins. I wanted to see how the parents would react, if I killed her little daughter in front of them. In didn't last 5 minutes, till Asha said: "Daddy!" Two men were standing near a police office under a lamp and I remained in my move. The one of the two dads were big, but not too big. He wore a lumberjack shirt and a blue jeans. His eyes were, like his hair coffee brown and his glasses fit very good to his face. Though he cried a bit, he had a smile on lips, like he would always smile. The other one, a bit bigger than the first, but my height. He wore a black shirt with dark trousers and wasn't crying. But you could see the terrified look in his eyes. Just in this moment, they both reminded me of Simon and me. Maybe it was just an imagination, but I just saw me and Simon walking in a park, sitting down on the bench and playing with our little kids. I looked to Asha and I couldn't bite here. I couldn't even think about it. "Raphael!", I heard someone screaming from far away. I turned around and there was Simon. Standing in the dark, wearing a black shirt and looking at me and Asha. His look were the same, like the one from the bigger dad. "Don't do this.", he said, his eyes filled with tears, as he looked from Asha to me. I watched Asha, as she looked at Simon, like it was her dad. "Asha.", the imaginary Simon said, sitting on the bench. I grabbed our son, Helios and kissed his cheek. "I love all three of you.", my imaginary me said and kissed Simon. I looked at the real Asha and smiled. "Raphael, please!", Simon called and looked at me. I couldn't look at him, so I turned my back and whispered to Asha: "Come, we go to daddy, yes?" And the biggest smile, I have ever seen appeared on her face. I walked to the three guys and said: "Sorry, is this your Asha?" The two dads looked at me and cried from happiness. The grabbed Asha and asked, why she was leaving and where she had gone. Even I smiled, while looking to this great family. "Thank you.", the bigger one said and smiled. I nodded, put my neutral look on and walked to Simon. "Thank you.", he said as I was standing at him and watching the family. The smaller dad held Asha up and then hugged her, like his life depend on it. The truth was I didn't do it for him. "It wasn't because of you.", I told him. The bigger truth was, it was only for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago**

 **Chapter 6**

"Simon." "Simon?", she asked and I nodded. Shahad breathed and looked away from me. I knew, she would find it disgusting and would hate me. But then she looked at me again. "Does he kiss good?", Shahad asked and we laughed together. It was comfortable to laugh with her and I felt nervous. The first time I laughed with somebody, it was Simon and after it he left me. Suddenly I stopped laughing, it was such a bad feeling, thinking about him. I didn't want to at this point, but I had to admit: I loved Simon Lewis. The dorky and nerdy Simon Lewis. This guy, why I hated mundanes. The guy, who I wanted to kill right after meeting him. But I didn't knew him at that time. But now, right after I knew him so much better, I loved him, I wanted to hear just three words from him and I would do everything I can, for hearing them. "You know.", Shahad said. "I got a little crush on you, when I met you." Shahad smiled and I saw sadness in her eyes. Was it because she knew I was gay? "I hoped you were the first guy, kissing me.", she whispered very silently, but I heard it. I looked to her and laid my hand on her cheek. Automatically we reached forward and then our lips united. We kissed the other one, till I stroke back. "Yep, totally gay.", I said and Shahad laughed. I had to smile, but in my smile was also this little hint. He will never love you back, a little voice said and I got sad again. But why, was I this sad? Because he said the truth? "Raphael, you can talk to me every time, when there's something, you know?", Shahad said and leaned on my shoulder. I put my arm around her and together we just looked out the window f the highest floor from the hotel.

"Raphael.", I heard Jace Wayland's voice right next to me, as I looked the blood away. I turned to him and put my neutral face on. "What is it?", I asked and saw, that also Isabelle, Alec and Clary were here. Superb, a shadowhunter meeting in my hotel. That was what I needed. Jace was looking nervous and angry at the same time, whilst Alec was just terrified. "Where is Magnus?", he asked and when Jace called out his name, I flinched a shiver on Alec. With all going on with Simon, I forgot to look after Magnus. I felt guilty, the more I think about how I couldn't get Simon. "Shadowhunter -", I said, but Shahad came into the room. "We found Magnus:", she called breathless and I was so thankful she saved this situation. We looked at each other for a second and we both knew, that we could laugh right now. "Where?", Jace asked and Shahad ran away. Jace together with Clary and Isabelle followed her. Just Alec was staying here. "Don't you want to follow your slaves?", I asked and he tried not to kill me. "Why should I follow them? Just because of Magnus.", he asked, but his eyes said something very different. "I would do it, if it was Simon.", I whispered. I knew Alec heard his name. "What is it with you?", he asked and sat down into the leather chair. "I don't know.", I told him and sat next to him. Alec told me about him and Magnus, so I explained him, what happened between me and Simon, which was really weird, because he was a shadowhunter. I was just a downworlder and we didn't liked each other. But I think gay-ness unites, I laughed to myself. "Raphael. We are not friends, obvious.", he claimed after a few moments of silence. "And I will kill you, if you tell it everyone, but I think Simon likes you too. He is just shy and thinks he is straight. Just like I did." We looked at each other. We shared a bit the same story but are such different types of persons. "Raphael?", we both heard the same voice and stood up. Isabelle walked in and looked a bit confused. "What's going on?", she asked and stood in her hips. "Well... erm... nothing.", we both said and looked caught. Isabelle ignored it and said, that they were gone, looking for Magnus. "We should also go.", Alec ordered and without another syllable they left me alone. I thought again about Simon, and Alec and Magnus. Was the story the same, or not? What if Simon was really straight and I was just his little male toy? Speaking of the devil, Simon walked right in. He wore a dark blue shirt, maybe mine, and black sweatpants. He didn't saw me, until I ran to him. "Simon.", I whispered and reached forward to kiss him. He didn't resist. He let me kiss him, no – better, he kissed me too and I didn't knew, what exactly was different, but it felt better, like the kisses before. What I didn't knew at that time was, the sentence afterwards made our situation more complicated. "I love you, Simon Lewis." And then I kissed him again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Infinite Faces of Raphael Santiago**

 **Chapter 7**

 _"Shut up.", Simon giggled and caressed my cheek. I smiled, looked to the right, to him and caught a glimpse of happiness in his eyes. "I just tell you, that even that on guy was this close to kill you.", he said and a little curl of his hair fell into his face. I placed my hand on the side of his head and drew the curl back into it's place. Simon laughed, placed his hand on my waist and kissed me. But the kiss wasn't this long. "Dadda!", Helios screamed and jumped an our bed. The little boy with black curles smiled and crawled to our heads. He first kissed Simon and then me on the forehead. I couldn't stopped smiling and so couldn't Simon. We smiled because of us or because of Helios but we were very happy. "What are we doing today?", our little son asked and Simon said he would like to go to the planetarium and Helios screamed of exciting. But this wasn't a good thing. At exactly the moment after Helios screamed, Asha cried in her bed. "Helios!", Simon said and wrapped his face in his pillow. "It's okay, I will go.", I sat and stood up. Asha was laying in her cradle crying. I reached down and grabbed her out. I held her at my chest and made "Shhhh" all the time. From minute to minute she got more silent, till she was completely calm. I looked from Asha's baby rrom through the door to Simon and Helios. While Helios was staying Simon laid on the bed and pretended to be asleep, but when Helios tried to fall on Simon, he woke up and tickled him. While they both laughed, I kissed Asha's little forehead and whispered: "Do you know, Asha. Someday someone will cross your way and at the first moment you will be like 'Who the hell is this?'. But this person can be your soul mate. And if he or she will try to hold your hand, you just have to say yes. And promise me, little Asha, that you will not let your soul mate go." The little girl looked at me and suddenly smiled. I smiled also a bit and pressed she again against my chest. "Is everything fine?", I heard Simon behind me and as I turned around I saw him carrying Helios and I grinned. "Everything is fine." We kissed. "I love you, Simon Santiago."_

Our tongues united and finished each other, his hands got to my hips.

 _"_ _Shut up.", I screamed and ran down the stairs. Simon ran before me, tried to talk but the best for us would be to concentrate on the stairs. "Raphael, it is important!", he shouted, but I refused talking to him. I almost tripped, but could hold me. A demon was just behind us and at any monet we could be killed. I looked at Simon, and saw, how he tried to walk and talk to me. Sure, I could ran with my vampire skills, but I wouldn't leave Simon behind. "Simon!", I shouted, sawing the only window I could reach. I hit it, so we could get through. I jumped thorugh it and landed on a roof, just like Simon did. He was very close to fall, so I held him. We looked each other in the eyes and knew, we could trust each other. "Raphael.", he said and I wanted to warn him, I really did. But the demon was too fast, he jumped onto the roof and shot Simon a bullet right in the heart. At this moment, everything went so fast, but also too slow. Simon collapsed and I got onto my knees to hold him. I heard the shadowhunter knife cutting through the demon, but I was focused on Simon. He was in a clinch with me and did his last breaths. "Raphael.", he whispered and I began to cry. "No. No, Simon. Don't you dare." I felt a big hand on my shoulder and guessed right, that it was Alec's. The others were standing around and looking to us. "I don't have much time, you know that, Raphael. So listen.", he said and I tried to hold back my tears. I heard Clary snivel and knew, Jace was holding her. I knew, Isabelle wanted to cry, but she was too strong for it. And I was thankful, Alec was placing his hand on my shoulder. It gave me strength to be reserved. "Thank you for showing me the vampire life. Thank you for helping me showing who I am.", Simon whispered. "No!", I shouted and held him stronger. "You won't die here. You won't die now. I think, we can fix you. Think about it, we just need a doctor.", I said and had to cry again. "Raphael.", his voice got weaker and I just cried. "Stop thinking." With his last glimpse of life he reched up to me and kissed me. He kissed my tears, he kissed my soul, his kiss heated old things up and just now I felt every little fingerprint on him. Just seconds later he was dead and his body laid in my arms. "No!", I shouted and I broke down on his corpse._

Simon didn't resist, he lead this kiss, he was the one catching this kiss up.

 _"_ _Shut up.", he said and slapped me. I wanted to shout, wanted to rip his body in ten thousand pieces, but all I could do was staring at him. "I told you, that I was straight. I told you, that I love Clary.", he said and looked disgusted at me. "I am not sure, that this is what you want. Giving yourself a trap. What did you say a second ago? ', that I was straight.' Was, Simon! Past, my dear.", I said and remembered the last time a conversation like this has got down. "I don't care, what you heard. I love Clary Fairchild and I will ever do. I am straight and not some disgusting faggot.", he shouted and my heart broke into a million pieces. "I hope you will burn in fire.", he said and left the meeting room. I was staying there, till I heard Shahad's voice in my head: "Get him." I ran the corridor to the outside, where he was standing, together with Clary Fairchild. Kissing. "Didn't expect that, right?", he asked and they both smiled dirty. I got on my knees, didn't knowing I was kneeing in gas. "Burn, baby, burn.", he said and threw a lighter into it._

"I am sorry.", I whispered, cutting the kiss. "Shut up.", he smiled and began another kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

"No.", I refused the vampire and oushed him back. "I thought you wanted me.", Simon said and grinned dirty. I got away from him and called: "I love you, Simon." He looked confused, surprised, sad, happy... I didn't know. "I told you that I'm in love with you. I don't want your body. I want you." Simon stepped back from me. His hands drove through his hair and he clenched his teeth. I stayed at my point and tried not to break down. My teeth felt like I could kill thousands of people at on time. He looked at me, I looked at him, we tried not to looked at each other – it was confusing. "What is this all about?", he asked and put the hands ine his pockets. "I mean, look at you. You are a vampire, the alpha vampire. I am just one in a thousands. And I am straight." I bristled with anger, and shouted: "You aren't straight. Oh god. I did things to you and you liked it. You know, that you like me." I was wondering, why no other of the vampires came in here to look. "I don't love you.", Simon said and bared his teeth. "I am a straight dude. I am not your faggot boy. I will never love you and you know that.", he said. I got angry, I built a fist and tried not to attack him. "Calm down, Simon. You are angry and I understand that. But this what we did. You know you liked it." Simon pushed his fist he built in my face. "I hate you." And he disappeared. He left me there with a broken heart. "Raphael.", I heard a voice and felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and punched my fist in Shahad's face. She fell back on the floor and I hadn't any control. I got down to her and walloped her. She cried, she shouted but I wanted my anger out. I didn't care that this was a woman before me. A girl which I liked. She was just someone I could punch. "Die.", I whispered and stopped. "Raphael.", she wanted to ask, why I was doing it. But I punched her again, walloped here. "Die.", I said multiple times and just when she got conscious, I screamed "DIE RIGHT BEFORE ME!" Shahad's face was over with her blood and I was shocked, what I did. But my vampire instinct let me leaving here on the floor and I walked away. "Lightwood.", I said and looked to Alec. He turned around, a glimpse of happiness in his eyes died, when he saw me and he neutral looked at me. "What is it, Raphael?", he asked and I looked to Isabelle, standing by him. "Where is Simon?", I asked and looked to Alec. He knew something about me. I didn't knew exactly what. "He is under your sight.", Isabelle told me and looked a bit sad. She knew about me and Simon. She had a very good gay radar. Alec put his quiver in the right position. I wanted to say that he called me a faggot and that I wanted to let him free. I wanted to kiss him one last time and then give him Clary or Isabelle. One last time feeling his lips against mine. But all I could do was saying: "I am sorry." It summarized all I could have said. All I will do. Everything I will do is just a big letter in this sentenece. I want my Simon and not this angry Simon. "Why are you sorry?", Alec asked and looked to me. "Kill me.", I answered and gave him a pale. I didn't want to live any more. If I ever lived. I am just a vampire and I wanted to have a Simon in my life. But my Simon was gone, he left me, a long time ago. "Are you kidding?", Alec asked and laughed. Isabelle looked to him and he stopped. "Raphael.", he said after laughing. "I am not going to kill you." I threw the pale away. "Why? Because you have your principles? Because I am a vampire?" They both looked down. Fine, I said to myself and walked away. "What are you doing, Santiago?", Isabelle asked. "Doing what you couldn't." I was standing in the park. That park, where I rescued that little girl, Asha. As I thought of her, she made me smile. She was cute and the only mundane letting me smile. But when I thought of Asha, Simon came up in my mind. I built a fist again. "Sorry?", I turned around and saw Asha's dads. "We wanted to thank you again for rescuing our girl.", kthe bigger one said. I fake-smiled. "No problem.", I said and wanted to go. But the bigger dad kept talking. "Our little girl knew you were coming back, I don't know how. She drew something for you and is walking around here." I wanted to punch that dad. We had evening and his little girl walked alone in a dark park. "Oh there she is.", he said and I turned around. Simon was walking with her and as he looked up, he saw us three. "Oh your dads.", he said and lifted her up, so his face was right next to hers. "Yeah, can we go there?", Asha asked and we smiled at each other, as we saw each other. "I can do. You can't.", he whispered and put his hand on her neck. Right after I knew, what he would do, he broke her neck. The clicking noise made me shiver and I knew the dads heard it. "What was that?", the little dad proved my statement right. Simon smiled and laid Asha's dead body down. "What is he doing?", the dad asked. I wanted to stop him but my body refused. Simon got over Asha and with one bite he opened the kids torso. He ripped her heart out and threw it at us. We three looked at that fist-big squishy thing before us. Just a minute before it beat in Asha's body. "Is that?", the bigger dad couldn't finished his sentence. "Simon.", I whispered and he looked at me with a bloody face. His eyes nearly black. Asha was still laying dead in front of him. "I am sorry.", I said to the dads and ran to Simon. I lifted him up and wanted to kick him, but he kicked me. "Look, who is stronger.", he said and wanted to jump on me, but I rolled away and stood up. "Simon, go away.", I screamed and as he wanted to punch me, I took his fist and broke with one move his hand. He screamed and stepped back. "This is not over.", he said and ran away. I looked to Asha, his corpse laying the green grass, blood running out of her stomach. "I am sorry, I let your soul mate alone, little girl.", I said, cried a tear and then walked away. I know, I should have be there for her dads, but there was something I wanted to do first. "Where is Shahad?", I screamed, when I got to the hotel. Jace and Clary, sitting on my furniture and I didn't care that they were shadowhunters, I wanted to see Shahad, say sorry and looked after her. Jace looked at me angry, while Clary stood up. "Raphael, I am sorry.", she said. "Shahad is dead." I didn't understand, but I also couldn't get any air. "What you mean?", I gasped. "We found her here, conscious and as we tried to save her, a black haired vampire came here and put a pale in here heart. We tried everything but she was dead.", Clary wiped away one tear and I had to sit down. "DO you know who it was?", Jace asked and I knew it. We stood up and I ran out of the hotel. I knew where Simon was. "Simon.", I said and looked at him, standing in his room. The room he missed so much. The room he grew up. "Raphael, what do you want?", he asked and I came to him and as he turned around I smiled. He cried, he showed penitence and he didn't want to do it. "I -", but I stopped as I saw his face. He had his lips a bit bloody, but that didn't refused me kissing him. We kissed each other. We didn't kiss only. We touched each others soul. We knew it was time. Time to be together. Simon finally knew how it felt to be a vampire like me. He knew how it felt to be a ticking bomb all of the time. If I thought about it, I knew we weren't perfect. Maxbe we were just a little bit humans. Our kiss, united still, was intensive and I felt a tear. I was going to cry. Because I was happy. As soon as we cut the kiss we looked in each others eyes and we saw ourselves in it. We were happy. "I love you, Raphael.", he whispered. I saw a right behind him and all I could say was: "I am sorry." The demon opened his mouth and a bullet got shot right into Simon's heart. Before Simon fell down, the demon disappeared and I tried to hold him. "Simon.", I whispered as the big guy fell down right before my feet. I broke down. "Simon!", I shouted and the shadowhunters walked in. I couldn't concentrate on them so I looked only to the guy I loved. He tried to breathe normally, but he couldn't. "Raphael." I cried again, laid my head on his chest and cried. "Simon, I am sorry but you cannot die here. Not now, not here, not with me.", I gasped and looked into his eyes. He smiled a bit. "Raphael, I love you.", he whispered and I stopped crying, I just looked at him and kissed him. "This is the end of our story.", I cried and kiss his cheeks. "What if we don't have a story?", he asked. I laughed a bit, smiled again at him and the last thing, I said to Simon was: "What if you are wrong, Simon?" The last kiss we shared was the best. But just after it he left his body and I laid there, on his body, around with his friends. Clary was crying in Jace's arms and Alec and Izzy were holding hands. I don't know how long I was laying there, but after a measure of time Alec lifted me up and carried me to the hotel. He laid me on the bed and sat next to me. "I am sorry for you.", he said and I looked at him. "He is dead.", I said. "Totally dead." Alec laid his hand in mine "Not in your heart. Your story will live on, in your heart, Raphael." I looked at him, took his hand and began to cry again. I cried because of Simon. Not because he died, because we didn't shared a real story. I wanted to hold him again, just one last time. One last time, kissing him. One last time with him. One last time.


End file.
